I Don't Now and Won't Ever
by Musicalgoddess
Summary: your mind says one thing, but its in your blood to hate each other. You've got to fight yourself, to be true to yourself. Two Downworlders, fighting the urge to destroy, finding the will to love. My first EVER romantic one shot. please R


_**I Don't Now, and Won't Ever.**_

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters(wish I did but don't)

It had been a month since he'd broken up with Clary, and even more since he'd last seen Maia, burned and bleeding in the cell Valentine had locked them up in. He hadn't been lying when he told Clary about Maia, he did like her, but never saw her much. Mainly because he was fighting what Maia had warned him about, that part of him that would instinctively grow to hate her, as all Vampires loathed Lycanthropes. Sometimes when they crossed he was hostile, rude and hissed, vanishing from her presence. He couldn't help it; some part of him was turning on him, trying to make him hate someone that he wanted to care about. He saw the way she sometimes glared at him, and involuntarily shrank away from his touch. It hurt to be on two separate sides, to know something in their blood was actively trying to tear them apart. Sometimes the only way they could talk seemed to be fighting. Alternatively one of the Shadow Hunters jumping in between them to save either from being rendered to pieces. Away from each other, Maia thought of Simon's dark eyes, and his gentle touch, even though it sent shivers down her spine.

Simon thought of her smile, her soft hair and the curve of her lips. The terrified look on her face when in their last quarrel they had blasted each other with "I hate you." Maia had stood back, her lip trembling and chest heaving, already wounded by what she had said, and the fact that he'd said the same. Fighting tears she steeled herself to look at him and said, bitterly.

"I told you,"

But today was a new day, as Simon went hunting for Maia outside the Hunter's Moon. She was with her friend Bat and another werewolf, at the sight of him they began to snarl and bared their teeth. Only Maia, half growling herself managed to get them to leave her alone with Simon on the dark street.

"It's dangerous for you to be here," she said, though it came out as an unintentional threat.

"I don't care" he replied, his voice edged.

"well I do. Go. We hate each other, remember? We're done here" the tail end of her words came out as a howl.

"You don't mean that."

"It's inscribed, flowing in our blood. Even right now Simon, I'm fighting the urge to tear you to shreds."

"And I'm fighting the urge to bite you. But there's another part that's stronger Maia. We didn't choose to become what we are, so we can't let it rule us. I'm choosing you, no matter what our blood says."

"Simon," she rasped and reached for him. He moved towards her slowly, taking her hand in his. She cringed still at his touch but willed herself to be still, she shut her eyes and blocked out the screaming voice in her head that told her to destroy. _No_. _Monsters kill what they love. Monsters don't even love. I'm still human, born human, forever human._

He fought the scent of her blood over powering him. _You're stronger Simon, stronger. _And suddenly it felt as though he couldn't smell her at all. He continued to reach for her and pulled her into his arms. He held her still, clamped in a firm embrace, both of them battling the demon that wanted to wrench them apart. Simon cradled her head. He knew what he felt and it terrified him. He didn't think he could love anyone other than Clary, but here he was, in love again, in a whole new life even, again with the wrong girl? He couldn't bare it. He wasn't going to let some malfunction rule him now, he was going to have a chance at love, real love, though it burned, with Maia.

_Need-Hana Pestle_

_I'm not quite sure how to breathe,_

_Without you here._

Maia choked as she inhaled his smell. It was sweet, it was vile, all in one.

_I'm not quite sure,_

_If I'm ready to say goodbye, to all we were._

_Be with me, stay with me,_

_Just for now, let the time decide,_

_When I won't need you._

Simon nails bit into her skin, holding on, fighting the want to pitch her away from him. He was determined to win.

_My hand searches for your hand,_

_In the dark room._

She thought about when they were being held captive by Valentine. Alone, scared and injured, reaching for each other in the dark.

_I can't find you, help me, are you looking for me?_

_I can't feel anymore, the light in me is fading._

_I can't drop you._

I won't. Thought Simon.

_Tell me, I don't need you,_

_My hand searched for your hand, _

_In the dark room._

_I can't find you, help me, are you looking for me?_

_Etch this, into my brain, for me._

She tilted her head upwards to look at him. Met his eyes gazing down at her.

_Tell me, how it's supposed, to be._

Like this, she thought. Drawing Simon in closer to her. There wasn't anything to fight anymore, the voice was silent_._

_Where everything will go, and how I'll be without you by my side._

His lips crashed down onto hers. His hands knotted in her hair she twined her arms around his neck. It was a reckless kiss, passionate and desperate, fusing themselves together. Simon didn't want Maia to part with him, ever_._

_My hand searches for your hand._

Her nails clawed his neck.

_In the dark room._

He inhaled deeply, felt the pound of her heart beat against his chest. Parted her lips with his.

_I can't find you._

I found you, their minds echoed.

_Help me, are you looking for me….._

The rush passed and they drifted away from eachother. Maia spoke first.

"Simon, everything about I said, about genetics and blood. Forget it okay? Please,"

"But you hate me right, destined to hate me, and I you?"

Maia shook her head, kissed him again softly. "Simon, I don't now, and I won't _ever_ hate you." She breathed.

Simon smiled down at her. "Good, because, Maia, I didn't think it was possible, so fast—but I'm in love with you, I love you Maia."

"I love you, Simon."


End file.
